So, the eternal question: what do the men want?
In a relationship with men we often ask ourselves questions. Why can’t he understand me? Why doesn’t he listen to me when I’m asking for something? You expected for the different behavior from your loved one. You ask the same questions every day, and, eventually, you come to a standstill. Often you find yourself in a psychologist’s room as you are not able to solve the problems individually.
But in all these questions one important thing is missing: we don’t put ourselves on the men’s place. What do they want from us? In order to achieve mutual understanding in the family, we have to think about this crucial question.
Women site Woman-Choice.com would try to figure out the nature of men, and, consequently, their wishes and preferences.
The Male Ego
What makes our men to achieve different life objectives? What serves as an engine for them? The answer is simple: it is their ego, which demands respect of the surrounding people.
Just think about how boys are raised. They are told not to cry, as “they are men”. They grow up with this stereotype trying not to express their feelings and hiding their thoughts. This is what they have to do according to the movies and books; this is what is expected from them by the parents, school and friends.
Then, after a boy becomes a man, the pressure turns out to be even stronger as he encounters men who were raised the same. While building the career he is constantly under the observation, and, consequently, he strives to prove himself and others that he is worthy. Without a doubt, all this affects man’s thoughts and behavior. He would try to “save face” in any situation, as failure in front of men-colleagues is the worst situation. Thus, maintaining the status is the primary task for the men as it is something that’s extremely difficult to restore.
The society imposes on men responsibility to successfully build a professional carrier and to have stable revenues. This way men demonstrate that they have grown up; success is the central component of their adulthood.
The feeling of confidence is another important factor affecting the relationships with colleagues and women, at home and at work. Of course, each person has its own sources of confidence. One would build muscle mass in the gym while another would earn a large sum of money. For others success can be measured by the Everest climbing, the house building or the son upbringing. What is common for all these men is their assurance of the significance of their achievements. This is how they gain confidence.
So, what the women should do?
Well, the task of each loving woman is to support her man in order to help him in achieving the goals. If you really care about the man, you will avoid situations where he feels a complete failure. This is especially true for the middle age when the men are too vulnerable. If your man did something wrong and didn’t meet your expectations, don’t reproach him. Don’t aggravate the situation by emphasizing his disadvantages, just support and believe in your loved one.
If you behave in such a way, it would flatter the male ego and would provide him confidence. Do you remember the saying: “There is always a woman behind every man’s success”? Our partners need reinforcement from us, especially during difficult life periods.
In case you want to give your beloved advice and point on his mistakes, think thoroughly how to do that. First, praise the man as much as possible, show your admiration, and only then give advice by carefully choosing the right words. You will see that your words in such a context will be heard.
Don’t make the worst mistake: never laugh at your partner! As it was mentioned before, men are often vulnerable, even though they don’t demonstrate their feelings. You need to encourage your man to move forward. It’s possible only if you consistently reassure him that his takes the right steps and makes proper choices.
The man doesn’t discuss the problems - he solves them
One of the most frequent women’s complaints is that their men don’t understand them and they don’t show any interest in discussing problems. The fact is that the men really don’t understand your subtle hints. The men’s brain is arranged differently; it perceives mostly concrete things, and it’s quite complicated for the men to figure out abstract things.
The woman tries to explain something to her partner; she does that emotionally and for a long time, using various figures of speech but the man still can’t understand what the problem is. This situation is very common for us. You have to admit the truth that the man has another way of thinking, logical, while women are guided by emotions. The man considers what can be done to solve the situation while the woman speaks about her hurt feelings and the reasons of her complaints.
Tips for you
In order to have an emotional comfort, you have to define the roles of your close people. Talk to your friends when you need to discuss problems or complain. But men are for you to act and to solve the difficult situations.
There is no earthy reason for creating a theater monologue when speaking to the men. Eventually, such behavior would cause only men’s irritation as they fail to solve a problem. Don’t speak abstractly! Your man is eager to hear concrete phrases from you.
So, the primary advice is to stick to concrete words. Together with that, remember about the male ego! Thus, imagine the situation when you need your partner’s help with the car. By no means don’t start with reproaching him, “You never help when I need you”, or “You never listen to me”, or “All other men help their women with cars”. You’d better begin with a gentle but specific request, for example, “Dear, pour the engine oil. I can’t cope without you.” This phrase contains not only direct request, but also a hidden praise. Use such phrases with your man, and keep the complaints for your friends.
The Importance of Intimacy
The different nature of men and women is a fact, recognized by psychologists. Women are emotionally open, and often intemperate. In contrast, most men are introverts which usually don’t demonstrate their deep feelings. However, there is something that unites both men and women. It’s sex.
By having intimate relations men can finally show their love to the partners. Moreover, it is also the way to gain confidence for them. Even if the man is too tired after an exhausting working day or depressed because of some troubles, he would hardly miss “the act of love” with his woman. Sex cheers him up, improves health and gives energy. In addition, it is well-known remedy to restore peace in the family after a quarrel.
Especially during hard times sex becomes the unique recipe for overcoming the difficulties as partners show mutual affection. Sex is the best way to support your beloved. Often he prefers not to share his problems with you. This happens not because he doesn’t trust you, simply through sex he gets an emotional “discharge” that he wouldn’t get via talking.
Don’t refuse your man in intimacy if you don’t have real reasons for that. Of course, if you are exhausted or don’t feel well, your partner should be sensitive and patient. But in case you deprive the man of sex as a punishment, you make a great mistake.
According to psychologists, the man who is satisfied with his intimate relations won’t think about relations with other women. Similarly, if he lacks good sex, he will search for somebody who will “fill the gap”. This is how men’s physiology works: even if a man loves a woman, he is able to betray her in case he doesn’t get a regular and varied sex. Without a doubt, sex is not an only constituent of the family harmony. Care, attention and warmth are important, too, but it is better when all these elements are equally present in life.
The strong Man
It was already mentioned that men prefer to feel confidence in their strength and superiority. Be wise and let your man be sure in this feeling, let him treat you indulgently. It’s no need to demonstrate that you can be stronger.
When a wife is ahead of her husband in something, he feels ashamed. Well-bred man won’t feel comfortable when a woman pays the bill in a restaurant. He would feel confidently only in case he is able to provide his wife and children with everything needed and can solve all the problems.
Modern society imposes on a man even more obligations as nowadays women work and earn equally with men. Such situation serves for a man both as a stimulus and a source of stress as he has to apply double effort to show his beloved that he is able to provide her.
How should a woman behave?
Just be a woman… Even if you are Margaret Thatcher, your salary is extremely high and you easily climb career ladder, just be a woman! Show your partner his uniqueness and don’t put too much on your shoulders. Ask your man to help you. Of course, you can open a bottle of wine by yourself, but let him do it.
A man needs this feeling of indispensability. He would always care and protect you in case he sees tender and weak woman next to him. But remember to stay strong and smart inside. Alas, men sometimes don’t justify the name of the stronger sex.
Ideal Woman (according to what men say)
The online magazine Woman-Choice.com conducted a survey to find out how the men define an ideal woman.
Brian, 24 years old:
“It is important for me that a woman would share my interests and acknowledge my hobbies. Thus, I’m an avid traveler, I like hitch-hiking, and so I am often not at home. That’s why for me an ideal girlfriend is loyal and caring, she understands me and my goals, and she wouldn’t refuse to go with me to the extreme trip.”
Nicolas, 32 years old:
“I most appreciate decency in women. Character and habits can be altered, but I wouldn’t trust the woman who had a lot of men before me. My own example can prove that decent women are excellent housekeepers and loving wives. I am married to such a woman, and I am really happy.”
Jeremy, 45 years old:
“I appreciate women that love home comfort and that put a family on the first place. I had a rough youth, so I don’t want the woman who prefers to go to the parties and to the clubs instead of spending the evening with me”.